-Throwing away money was illegal. I think this still kind of makes sense. Like, if you threw away a $20 bill or something that would be really stupid, but also, don’t you think it would mess with the world debt number? Like, our estimation on people’s incomes and world debt would be off by $20. I dunno. And baby Joc doesn’t know.
-Babies who were less than one year old were considered to be “zero”. I remember my uncle asking how old one of my cousins was one time (not his dad, obviously) and I was like, “HE’S ZERO.” And I yelled it because I thought I was really smart. Then he laughed and I knew I was wrong.
-If you honked your car horn for too long you’d get pulled over. This is still kind of plausible but I doubt it has ever happened.
-One time I legit thought I was pregnant. I was probably in 4th or 5th grade and for some reason I thought I was for sure pregnant. I even went so far as to try and measure my stomach over a period of time to see if it was getting any bigger. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone this. For good reason, it’s really weird. (Side note: I obviously wasn’t having sex in 4th grade, I thought it was immaculate conception).
-If I slept with my glasses on I would be like Arthur. Arthur was the shit and I watched it all the time. So one night I slept with my glasses on because I thought it was ~rebellious and Arthur-like.
-That my dad was a drunk driver. When Crossroads came out, yes, the flaw free coming of age tale starring the legendary Miss Britney Spears, I went to see it opening night with my dad and aunt. Afterwards, we went to Applebees to eat (ironic how embarrassing Applebees is now) and my dad ordered a beer. I thought FOR SURE he was gonna drive and we were gonna get pulled over and arrested. Like, I was so worried during the whole dinner that he was just getting drunker and drunker and our lives were all doomed. Hush. I was nine.
This should probably be part one of a series because I thought a lot of stupid things when I was little. Stay tuned.
